Protecting Our Peace: Defining Respect, Safety, and Love on Our Terms
Malcolm X's words, "The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman," are powerful. They resonated then, and sadly, they still resonate with many of us today. But I'm challenging us, as Black women, to make sure we are not contributing to that list, even unintentionally. We have to protect, respect, and nurture ourselves first. And the only way to do that is to truly understand what those things mean to us, individually.
If we don't know what respect, protection, and non-neglect look like for us, how can we communicate our needs to others? We become vulnerable to other people's interpretations, which often fall short. My idea of protection might be completely different from yours, or my grandmother's. We have to normalize our unique needs and stop expecting a one-size-fits-all approach. And just like our needs are unique, so are the needs of the people in our lives. We are givers and receivers, so understanding how to express our needs and ask about theirs is essential.
I'm a middle-class Black woman, and I've always been middle class. My personal experience has been one of feeling protected by Black men, both physically and emotionally. This upbringing, this consistent experience of care, has allowed me to move through the world as a carefree Black woman. I understand that not every Black woman has had this experience. And because of my experience, I was once accused of having "pick me" energy. At first, I was offended. But it made me think. Because majority of my interactions with black men included being protected, I see them different. I see them as my protectors, my allies even my accomplices in my story.
The "would you rather be stuck in the woods with a bear or a man" conversation is a perfect example. I'm one of the few women who would say a man. Not because I'm naive, but because my experiences with men, both platonic and romantic, have generally been positive. Even the relationships that didn't work out, even the men I might label a certain way now – I felt safe with them in those moments. Sometimes that safety came from a shared understanding, a mutual respect between our "demons."
My personal sense of safety is deeply connected to my definition of love. For me, love requires safety. It's the ability to be my most authentic self without fear of judgment or manipulation. So, I had to ask myself some hard questions: What does safety look like to me? What does protection mean to me? What does respect feel like to me?
For me, the core of it all is freedom. I want to be able to move through the world as my true self, without constantly hiding or masking. But that starts with self-protection, self-respect, and self-care. It's not easy. Some of us have never felt truly safe or secure. Some of us have never taken the time to define what those feelings even mean.
So, I challenge you, sis. Take some time for yourself. Ask yourself: What does safety feel like to me? What does it look like? What do I need to feel safe? What does respect feel like? Don't just look at what the internet or social media tells you. Dig deep and define these things for yourself. These feelings are uniquely yours, and you deserve to experience them.
Here are 5 things you can do to cultivate that sense of safety and protection within yourself:
Self-Reflection and Journaling: Grab a journal and pen. Really sit with those questions about protection, and respect. Write down your thoughts, feelings, and past experiences. This helps you identify patterns and understand what truly makes you feel secure.
Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them!): Once you know what you need, set clear boundaries in all areas of your life – relationships, work, family. And most importantly, honor those boundaries. Don't be afraid to say no.
Practice Self-Care: Self-care isn't just bubble baths (though those are great too!). It's about prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It's about doing things that nourish your soul and make you feel good. This could be anything from exercise to meditation to spending time with loved ones.
Trust Your Intuition: We all have an inner voice, a gut feeling. Learn to trust it. If something feels off, it probably is. Don't dismiss your intuition. It's a powerful tool for self-protection.
Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who uplift you, support you, and respect you. Having a strong support system can make a huge difference in your sense of safety and security.
You can't expect the world to give you something you can't define. You can't manifest what you don't understand. Because if you don't know what it is, you won't recognize it when you're not getting it, and you won't appreciate it when you are. So, take the time, sis. Circle back and share what you discover. I'm waiting to hear from you.
